Glennon Doyle on Breaking Free from Expectations and Living Untamed
Introduction
If you’ve ever felt trapped by societal expectations, Glennon Doyle’s wisdom is the key to breaking free. The New York Times bestselling author of Untamed, Love Warrior, and Carry On, Warrior joined Heal Squad with Maria Menounos to discuss self-discovery, embracing discomfort, and learning to trust yourself. Doyle’s book Untamed, which skyrocketed in popularity during quarantine, serves as a call to women to step into their true power and shed the cages imposed on them by society.
Here’s what she shared about dismantling the barriers that hold us back, reclaiming our individuality, and why we all have the power to rewrite our own stories.
The Invisible Cage: How Society Traps Us
Doyle describes the process of social conditioning as starting around age 10, when children begin internalizing expectations. “We start to realize, ‘Oh, I’m a girl and this is how girls act. Oh, I’m a boy and this is how boys act,’” she explains. These societal molds slowly shape our lives, leading us to suppress parts of ourselves to fit in.
For Doyle, breaking free from this conditioning was a slow and painful process, but one that ultimately led to liberation. She shares that many women feel the weight of expectations but dismiss their discontent as ingratitude. Instead of seeing our longing for more as selfish, Doyle urges us to recognize it as a sign that we are meant for more.
The Journey from Conformity to Authenticity
One of the key takeaways from Untamed is the transformation from conformity to self-discovery. Doyle breaks this process down into three stages:
- Caged: We follow rules and expectations, denying our own desires.
- Compromised: We begin to feel an inner tension but suppress it.
- Liberated: We acknowledge and honor our true selves.
This process isn’t easy, and Doyle emphasizes that growth requires discomfort. “There is no resurrection without crucifixion first,” she says, explaining that the path to self-liberation often involves pain, loss, and rebuilding. However, avoiding this process means staying stuck in purgatory—neither fully alive nor truly fulfilled.
The Power of Discomfort: Why Pain Leads to Growth
One of the most profound lessons Doyle shares is that discomfort isn’t something to be avoided—it’s an essential part of growth. She recounts how, for years, she numbed herself with addiction, trying to escape the discomfort of her true feelings. Only when she embraced her pain did she begin to transform.
“All feelings are for feeling, even the hard ones,” Doyle explains. “Our culture tells us happiness is the goal, but it’s about experiencing everything fully—grief, anger, joy, all of it.”
For those struggling with major life changes, Doyle suggests reframing suffering as a necessary step toward rebirth. “Destruction comes before construction. We think we’re doing life wrong when we feel pain, but that’s just life. It’s supposed to be hard,” she says.
Why Women Are Taught to Be Small (And How to Break Free)
Doyle explores how women are conditioned to take up as little space as possible—physically, emotionally, and intellectually. “The root of all misogyny is making sure women don’t want more,” she explains. “If we keep them small, they won’t challenge the system.”
One of the most liberating shifts Doyle made was rejecting the notion that love requires self-sacrifice. “I burned the memo that said responsible motherhood means martyrdom,” she declares. Instead of modeling self-abandonment, she chose to show her children what it looks like to fully embrace life.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for wanting more—more happiness, more fulfillment, more purpose—Doyle wants you to stop apologizing for it. “Your job is to disappoint as many people as you need to in order to avoid disappointing yourself,” she advises.
Trusting Yourself: Learning to Listen to Your Inner Voice
A recurring theme in Doyle’s philosophy is self-trust. She argues that from a young age, women are taught to distrust their instincts in favor of external validation. But the path to freedom requires unlearning that conditioning.
One way to reconnect with yourself? Pay attention to what feels right. Doyle shares a simple exercise: instead of debating what you “should” do, ask yourself, Does this feel warm or cold? If something feels warm, move toward it. If it feels cold, step back.
“It’s not about making the right or wrong decision,” she says. “It’s about making the truest and most beautiful decision for you.”
Final Takeaway: We Can Do Hard Things
Doyle’s parting wisdom is both simple and profound: “We can do hard things.”
We avoid discomfort because we believe life should be easy, but Doyle argues that’s a myth. Instead of resisting pain, we should lean into it, knowing that it’s part of the journey to something greater. Whether you’re facing uncertainty in your career, relationships, or personal growth, trust that the struggle is leading you somewhere meaningful.
Her message is clear: Stop waiting for permission. Stop living for others. Step into the fullest, most untamed version of yourself.
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