Glennon Doyle on Breaking Free: How to Untame Yourself and Live Your Truth
Introduction
Are you living the life you truly want—or the one you were told to want? Best-selling author and activist Glennon Doyle believes many of us, especially women, are trapped in invisible cages, shaped by societal expectations, familial pressure, and cultural conditioning. In her book Untamed, Doyle explores what it means to break free from these constraints and live a life of radical honesty, self-trust, and authenticity.
In a compelling conversation on Heal Squad with Maria Menounos, Doyle shares her transformative insights on identity, self-worth, and the power of listening to your inner voice. Whether you’re questioning your path, struggling with self-doubt, or seeking inspiration for a major life pivot, this interview offers a roadmap for reclaiming your truth.
The Caged Life: How We Become Tamed
Doyle explains that from a young age, we are conditioned to fit into predefined roles. Around age ten, children—especially girls—begin learning to prioritize being “good” over being themselves. We are taught to be polite, agreeable, and grateful, even at the cost of our true desires.
“We start to internalize social conditioning,” Doyle says. “We think, ‘Oh, I’m a girl, so this is how girls act. I’m a Christian, so this is what Christians believe. I’m an American, so this is what Americans do.’” Over time, these expectations create an invisible cage, keeping us from exploring who we really are.
The Breaking Point: When We Realize We Are Not Free
For many, the realization comes in the form of deep, unshakable discontent. We check all the boxes—career, marriage, family—yet feel empty, as though we are living someone else’s life. Doyle explains that this feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong with us, but rather that we have been suppressing our true selves.
“If you wake up one day and hate your life, but you’re not outwardly saying it, you’re still living it,” Maria Menounos adds. “You’re just unhappy and can’t figure out why.”
This moment of reckoning, Doyle argues, is the first step toward untaming ourselves. It’s not about self-improvement—it’s about self-remembrance.
The Hard Truth: You Can’t Skip the Pain
A major theme in Untamed is that transformation requires destruction before rebirth. Doyle compares it to the crucifixion and resurrection: we all want the “rising” part, but we resist the necessary breaking down of old beliefs and systems.
“There is no resurrection without the crucifixion first,” Doyle says. “All of our problems come from trying to get to the rising without allowing ourselves to be crucified first.”
Menounos agrees, adding that life’s challenges are often disguised blessings. “That’s why I love the notion that life is happening for you, not to you. Even the bad is there to help you get to the good.”
The Lie of Martyrdom: Why Self-Sacrifice Isn’t Love
One of Doyle’s most powerful messages is about motherhood and womanhood. Many women are conditioned to believe that love means self-sacrifice—that a good mother, wife, or daughter should slowly disappear, putting everyone else first.
Doyle calls this out as a dangerous lie:
“I decided that the call of motherhood is to be a model, not a martyr. I unbecome a mother who was slowly dying in her children’s name and became a responsible mother—one who shows her children how to fully be alive.”
By prioritizing our own joy, we teach our children and loved ones that they, too, are worthy of happiness.
The Power of Hard Emotions: Using Envy and Anxiety as Guides
Doyle challenges the idea that negative emotions like envy, anxiety, and sadness should be suppressed. Instead, she sees them as valuable signals pointing us toward unmet needs and hidden desires.
For example, if you feel envy when you see someone writing a book, starting a business, or living a certain lifestyle, that’s a clue—it might be something you deeply want for yourself.
“Envy is not something to be ashamed of,” Doyle says. “It’s a signal. It’s pointing us toward what we were meant to create.”
Similarly, anxiety is often linked to a need for control. Many women, especially high achievers, believe that if they worry enough, they can prevent bad things from happening. But Doyle warns that control and trust cannot coexist:
“We can either love people or we can control them, but we can’t do both. Love requires trust.”
The Social Media Trap: How Comparison Keeps Us Caged
One major force keeping us trapped, according to Doyle, is social media. Platforms designed to connect us often make us feel inadequate by bombarding us with curated perfection.
Menounos shares her own struggle with social media’s impact: “I was terrified to get on social media, and I still believe it’s the devil. It perpetuates this fake perfection and makes people feel like they’re failing at life.”
Doyle adds that beyond comparison, social media drowns out our inner voice. “It’s one of the biggest deaths to our own intuition,” she says. “We don’t even know who we are anymore because we’re constantly consuming everyone else’s thoughts.”
Her advice? Take breaks, set boundaries, and remember that what you see online is rarely the full truth.
How to Start Untaming Yourself
Breaking free from societal conditioning is a lifelong process, but Doyle offers a few key steps to begin:
1. Identify What Feels Warm vs. Cold
When making decisions, ask yourself: Does this feel warm or cold? Your body will often give you the answer before your mind does.
2. Write Down the Truest, Most Beautiful Life You Can Imagine
Instead of focusing on what’s “realistic,” dream without limits. What does the most fulfilling version of your life look like? This vision can act as a treasure map for your future.
3. Disappoint Others If It Means Staying True to Yourself
Doyle teaches her children: “Your job is to disappoint as many people as you need to in order to avoid disappointing yourself.”
Even if it’s uncomfortable, choosing your own truth over others’ expectations is the only way to live authentically.
Final Thoughts
Glennon Doyle’s message is clear: you are not broken—society’s expectations of you are. Whether it’s in motherhood, marriage, career, or self-worth, we have been taught to shrink, suppress, and conform. But Untamed is an invitation to break free and reclaim your power.
“You don’t need to find yourself,” Doyle says. “You need to remember yourself.”
For more life-changing insights from Glennon Doyle, check out her full interview on Heal Squad with Maria Menounos.
For more healing and wellness tips, be sure to subscribe to the Heal Squad with Maria Menounos podcast via YouTube or Apple Podcasts.
