Your Money Fears May Not Be Yours: How to Break a Scarcity Mindset

For many people, money isn’t just money.

It’s fear.

Security.

Guilt.

Success.

Survival.

And according to Judy Wilkins-Smith, some of our strongest beliefs about money may have been formed long before we ever earned our first paycheck.

In a Heal Squad conversation with Maria Menounos, Wilkins-Smith, author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint, explores how family experiences can shape our relationship with money—and why beliefs that once helped our parents or grandparents survive may eventually begin limiting us.

Her message isn’t simply to spend more or save less.

It’s to start asking a different question:

Is what I believe about money actually true for my life today—or am I still living someone else’s financial story?

Your Money Story Often Starts With Your Family

Think about the phrases you heard about money growing up.

“We can’t afford that.”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“You have to work hard for every dollar.”

“Save it for a rainy day.”

“Be grateful for what you have.”

Those messages can sound like ordinary childhood memories.

But Wilkins-Smith believes they can become deeply ingrained patterns.

Maria shares that her parents grew up with very little and that money was a constant source of fear in her childhood home. Even after she became financially successful, she realized she could still feel poor internally.

Her circumstances had changed.

Her emotional blueprint hadn’t.

Wilkins-Smith says that’s exactly what can happen when an old family pattern continues operating after the circumstances that created it are gone.

“The truth kind of goes flying out the window,” she says, “and this piece takes over and it dominates.”

Scarcity Doesn’t Necessarily Disappear When You Have More Money

It would be easy to assume financial anxiety disappears once someone has enough money.

Wilkins-Smith says it doesn’t always work that way.

She describes working with extremely wealthy people who still worry that they need to be careful because something could go wrong.

That’s the trap of scarcity thinking.

“Enough” isn’t necessarily a number.

If the underlying belief is there will never be enough, reaching a larger number may not resolve the fear.

You can earn more.

Save more.

Achieve more.

And still feel as though the bottom could fall out tomorrow.

Wilkins-Smith’s suggestion is practical: determine how much you realistically need if something goes wrong and work toward establishing that cushion.

Once it’s there, she says, challenge yourself when the old story returns.

Is the danger you’re reacting to still real?

Ask Yourself: Whose Truth Is This?

One of the most useful exercises in the conversation is surprisingly simple.

Take a piece of paper and write down what you tell yourself about money.

Then write down your fears.

And ask:

Where did this belief come from?

Maybe your parents struggled financially.

Maybe a parent lost a job.

Maybe your grandparents lived through severe economic hardship.

Maybe your family immigrated with very little.

Maybe financial security required extraordinary sacrifice.

Those experiences were real.

The financial rules your family developed may have been necessary.

But Wilkins-Smith says you can appreciate the pattern for helping previous generations without allowing it to control the next chapter of your life.

Her approach is essentially:

Thank the old pattern for getting your family this far. Then decide where you want to take it next.

Stop Treating Money Like the Enemy

Wilkins-Smith offers an unusual way of thinking about money:

Treat it as a relationship.

“Money is a relationship, not a commodity,” she says.

Imagine, she suggests, how you would feel in a friendship where you were constantly hidden, feared, locked away or associated with guilt.

That’s how many people relate to money.

She encourages people to begin noticing what money already makes possible.

The warm shower.

Gas in the car.

Lunch with a friend.

A safe home.

Something you’ve saved for.

Instead of interacting with money exclusively through anxiety, she suggests practicing appreciation for what it allows you to experience.

The exercise may sound unconventional, but the underlying idea is straightforward:

Change the emotional conversation you’re having around money.

Saving Money Isn’t the Problem

The message here isn’t that saving is bad.

In fact, throughout the conversation, saving is recognized as valuable.

The question is what happens after you’ve created security.

Wilkins-Smith puts it this way:

If you’re living beneath your means, great.

But what are you doing with the extra?

Are you investing it?

Growing it?

Enjoying some of it?

Using it to create something?

Helping others?

Or are you continuing to accumulate simply because spending anything triggers fear?

There’s an important difference between saving because you’ve made a thoughtful financial decision and saving because you’re terrified something terrible is always about to happen.

Spending Can Bring Up Guilt, Too

Maria describes buying an expensive suitcase she wanted.

Normally, she says, she would have immediately rejected the purchase.

Instead, she decided she was worth it and allowed herself to buy it.

The interesting part wasn’t really the suitcase.

It was what the purchase revealed.

For someone accustomed to scarcity thinking, buying something—even when you can afford it—can trigger an internal avalanche:

That was too much.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I don’t deserve this.

What if something happens?

Wilkins-Smith argues that those reactions are worth examining.

The goal isn’t reckless spending.

It’s being able to make an intentional purchase without automatically experiencing shame simply because you spent money on yourself.

Scarcity Can Affect More Than Your Bank Account

This may be the most powerful idea in the entire conversation.

Maria realizes:

“If you’re stifling yourself, then you can’t dream.”

If enormous amounts of mental energy are devoted to protecting what you already have, you may have less room to think about what you could create.

Instead of:

What else is possible?

Your brain remains focused on:

What if I lose everything?

Wilkins-Smith encourages people to reverse the question.

During uncertain times, rather than thinking exclusively about protecting your existing slice of the pie, she suggests asking:

“How much bigger of a pie can I bake?”

In other words, security doesn’t have to come only from holding tighter.

It can also come from expanding your capabilities and possibilities.

One New Thought. One New Feeling. One New Action.

So how do you actually begin changing decades of conditioning around money?

Wilkins-Smith offers a manageable framework:

One new thought. One new feeling. One new action.

Don’t attempt to transform your entire financial life overnight.

Start with one belief.

If your thought is:

There’s never enough.

Try:

I’m beginning to recognize what having enough looks like.

Then notice how the new thought makes you feel.

Finally, take one action consistent with that new relationship.

Maybe you create an emergency fund.

Maybe you invest in something you’ve been afraid to pursue.

Maybe you allow yourself to enjoy something you’ve deliberately saved for.

Maybe you learn about investing.

Maybe you simply stop feeling guilty every time you spend money on something you genuinely value.

Small changes can begin creating a different pattern.

Give Your Money Somewhere to Go

Wilkins-Smith also encourages people to have something specific they’re working toward.

For her, one example was a Disney timeshare.

She had saved enough to make the purchase possible, but when it came time to actually spend the money, she says it took roughly an hour and a half to hit the button.

The old fear returned.

What if there’s an emergency?

What if this is irresponsible?

Then she reminded herself that she already had money set aside for a crisis.

The money she was considering spending had a different purpose.

And she allowed herself to use it.

That experience became about more than buying something.

It demonstrated to her that she could create a goal, prepare financially and then actually allow herself to experience what she’d worked toward.

Money Can Be Used to Invest in Your Life

Maria describes another realization after renovating and furnishing her family’s home.

For years, she says, she could have afforded nicer things but resisted spending the money.

When she finally created an outdoor space she loved, something unexpected happened.

She felt happier there.

She relaxed.

And ideas began coming.

She and her husband started brainstorming new projects and ways to expand the show.

For Wilkins-Smith, that’s an example of money being used intentionally rather than simply accumulated.

It doesn’t mean every expensive purchase is an “investment.”

But money can sometimes buy things that contribute meaningfully to your quality of life, time, environment, experiences or opportunities.

The question becomes:

What does this money allow me to create?

Wanting More Doesn’t Mean You’re Ungrateful

Another inherited belief can sound particularly virtuous:

Be grateful for what you have.

Gratitude is valuable.

But Wilkins-Smith argues that gratitude doesn’t require you to stop wanting.

You can appreciate your current life and still want to grow.

You can love what you have and pursue something more.

You can save responsibly and enjoy your money.

You can succeed and help other people succeed.

Money doesn’t always have to be an either/or equation.

It can become an and.

Turn Off the Money Nightmare and Turn On the Dream

Toward the end of the conversation, Wilkins-Smith distills the entire discussion into one memorable line:

“Switch off the money nightmare and switch on the dream.”

That doesn’t mean ignoring bills, abandoning a budget or pretending financial problems don’t exist.

It means recognizing when reasonable financial responsibility has turned into fear that limits your life.

Write down what you believe about money.

Ask where those beliefs came from.

Determine which ones are still true.

Create the security you genuinely need.

Then begin challenging the beliefs that no longer serve you.

Because sometimes the biggest financial change isn’t earning another dollar.

It’s finally realizing that the money story you inherited doesn’t have to be the money story you keep living.