What if finding more love in your life isn’t about finding the perfect person, getting the perfect Valentine’s Day gift or checking every box on your relationship wish list?
What if it starts with getting clear about how you actually want to feel?
Sex and relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman joined Maria Menounos for a conversation that went far beyond dating. They talked about relationships, manifestation, dating apps, grief, receiving love and why so many of us struggle to communicate what we really need.
And one idea kept coming back:
Stop focusing only on what you want to happen. Start paying attention to how you want to feel.
That shift can change the way you approach almost every relationship in your life.
If You’re Disappointed, Say What You Want Instead
Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t great.
Your partner forgot. The gift felt like an afterthought. Or maybe they did something, but it wasn’t what you hoped for.
Laura says complaining about what someone did wrong isn’t enough.
Instead, get specific about what you want them to do differently.
Rather than:
You never put any thought into anything.
Try explaining what the experience means to you:
I love getting flowers, but what really makes me feel loved is knowing you thought about me ahead of time.
That’s an entirely different conversation.
You’re not just criticizing the past. You’re giving your partner information they can actually use in the future.
The life hack: When something isn’t working, don’t stop at “I don’t like this.” Add: “Here’s what would make me feel loved instead.”
Learn How You Actually Receive Love
Maria realized something important during the conversation: her husband Kevin may not be the guy who meticulously plans the perfect bouquet, but he’ll build her a house or a studio.
That’s how he shows love.
Laura connected it to the idea of love languages. Sometimes we become so focused on how we think love should look that we overlook the way someone is already showing it.
That doesn’t mean ignoring your needs.
It means understanding the difference between “This person doesn’t love me” and “This person expresses love differently than I do.”
Ask yourself:
When do I feel most loved?
Is it when someone helps you? Gives you something thoughtful? Makes time for you? Touches you? Encourages you?
And then ask another question:
How does the person I love naturally show love?
Sometimes there’s more love in a relationship than we’re recognizing.
Make Feeling Resolutions
Laura doesn’t make traditional New Year’s resolutions.
Instead, she chooses how she wants to feel.
Her themes included joy, peace and connection.
Those feelings then become a compass for decisions.
Will saying yes to something create more connection?
Does spending time with this person bring peace or drain it?
Does this opportunity create joy—or are you doing it because you think you’re supposed to?
This works for relationships too.
Instead of beginning with:
I need a boyfriend.
I want someone who’s six feet tall.
I need someone who makes X amount of money.
Start with:
How do I want to feel with this person?
Safe?
Playful?
Adventurous?
Supported?
Desired?
Peaceful?
Connected?
Now you’re getting somewhere.
Try This Visualization Exercise
Laura walked Maria through a simple exercise around one feeling Maria wanted more of: adventure.
You can try it with whatever feeling you choose.
First, take a couple of slow breaths and imagine yourself becoming grounded. Laura visualizes light moving through the body and roots extending down into the earth.
Then choose the feeling you want.
Maybe it’s love.
Close your eyes and imagine a scene in which you experience that love fully.
The important part, according to Laura, is to experience the scene in first person.
Don’t watch yourself like you’re watching a movie.
Be there.
What do you see?
What does your body feel like?
What does the other person say?
What are you doing together?
Maria imagined herself running around Rome with Kevin. Her heart started beating faster. She felt butterflies. She became excited.
She wasn’t just thinking about adventure anymore.
She was experiencing what adventure felt like to her.
Laura’s suggestion is to revisit those feelings regularly and use them to help guide what you seek and create in your life.
Whether you think of that as manifestation, visualization, prayer or simply clarifying what matters to you, the practical value is the same:
You become much clearer about what you’re actually looking for.
Stop Manifesting From Lack
There’s a subtle difference between wanting something and constantly reinforcing the belief that you don’t have it.
Maria explained that when she prays, she’ll sometimes say:
“Please continue to flow…”
Continue the love.
Continue the health.
Continue the abundance.
Why?
Because “continue” starts from a feeling that something is already present rather than a constant focus on what’s missing.
Laura similarly likes the idea of asking for “this or something better.”
You can have an intention without trying to control every detail of how it arrives.
Dating? Stop Accepting Breadcrumbs
This might be the most immediately usable advice from the episode.
Laura says online dating doesn’t mean you have to accept endless texting with people who never actually make plans.
You know the routine:
Hey, what’s up?
Three days later:
How was your weekend?
Then another random message.
Weeks go by.
Still no date.
That’s breadcrumbing—giving someone just enough attention to keep the connection alive without moving it forward.
Laura’s rule is refreshingly straightforward.
If you’re in the same area, you’ve developed some rapport and the person hasn’t made an effort to meet within roughly two weeks, you don’t need to keep participating.
You can simply say you enjoy talking with them and would be happy to meet if they’d like to make plans.
Then stop carrying the conversation.
Interest should eventually become action.
Your Dating Profile Should Reflect What You Actually Want
If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, Laura says your dating profile should communicate that.
Don’t build a profile designed to attract the maximum number of people.
Build one that helps attract the right people.
That means getting away from vague language and being clearer about the kind of connection you want.
Instead of focusing exclusively on a person’s resume—height, salary, job title, background—describe the qualities that matter.
During the episode, Laura helped Kelsey translate her wish list.
“Successful” became driven.
Someone who would understand her career became supportive.
She also wanted someone secure, adventurous, proactive and authentic.
Those words tell you much more about what a relationship might actually feel like.
Turn Your “Cab Light” On
Dating apps aren’t the only place to meet someone.
Laura suggests telling friends, colleagues and other people in your life that you’re genuinely open to meeting somebody.
And then there’s what she calls turning your “cab light” on.
In other words:
Look up.
Put the phone away sometimes.
Smile.
Talk to the barista.
Chat with people around you.
Make eye contact.
Engage with the world.
Not because you’re trying to date every person you encounter.
You’re simply moving through life with the energy of:
I’m available. I’m approachable. I’m connected.
Someone interesting might be standing behind you in line and never say hello because you appear completely closed off to the world around you.
Pay Attention to People Who Ask Questions
Kelsey brought up a dating frustration that probably sounds familiar to a lot of people:
She’ll ask question after question on a date—and the other person asks almost nothing about her.
Laura’s reaction?
That’s not a great sign.
Because genuine connection requires curiosity.
Does this person actually want to know you?
Do they ask questions?
Do they remember things?
Do they seem interested in your inner world—or are they simply waiting for another opportunity to talk about themselves?
Chemistry matters.
But curiosity can tell you a lot about someone’s capacity for connection.
Don’t Confuse a Checklist With Compatibility
Laura also pushed back on the idea that a partner must arrive with every external box already checked.
Someone doesn’t necessarily need to have reached a particular level of financial success, for example.
Maybe what you’re actually looking for is someone who is driven, passionate, secure and has direction.
That’s different.
Circumstances change.
Jobs disappear.
Money comes and goes.
But qualities such as character, curiosity, drive, kindness and emotional security tell you something deeper about who a person is.
Look underneath the requirement and ask what quality you’re actually trying to find.
When Someone Is Grieving, Don’t Ask Them to Tell You What They Need
The conversation eventually moved into a much deeper subject when Laura discussed losing her son Sammy.
One of the most practical lessons she learned was how difficult we can make things for grieving people without realizing it.
We often say:
Let me know if there’s anything I can do.
It sounds caring.
But someone overwhelmed by grief may not know what they need—and may not have the capacity to ask for it.
Laura says a better approach is to simply show up without demanding anything in return.
One friend sent her a green heart every day for a year.
Others left soup, cookies or small gifts at her door.
Another might offer to walk the dog or handle something around the house.
One friend essentially told her: I’m bringing coffee. If you want a hug, I’m here. If you don’t, I’ll leave it outside.
That’s support without obligation.
And don’t disappear after two weeks.
Laura remembers people reaching out months later, after the first wave of flowers and casseroles had ended, simply to remind her that she was still loved.
Don’t make a grieving person manage your kindness.
Just be kind.
Receiving Love Is a Skill Too
Laura also discovered something about herself through grief.
She was good at giving.
Receiving was harder.
Friends formed what they called a “love bubble” around her, gathering regularly to support her. Her instinct was to tell them they didn’t have to do it.
But eventually she realized something:
She had to allow people to love her.
That’s something many of us struggle with even outside grief.
We want help—but feel guilty accepting it.
We want love—but deflect compliments.
We want support—but insist we’re fine.
We want someone to give—but immediately worry that we’re taking too much.
Sometimes opening yourself to love means doing less, not more.
You have to let yourself receive it.
The HealSquad Takeaway
The biggest lesson from this conversation isn’t really about Valentine’s Day, dating apps or even manifestation.
It’s about intentionality.
Get clear about how you want to feel.
Tell people what you need instead of expecting them to figure it out.
Notice how others naturally express love.
Stop giving unlimited attention to people who only give you breadcrumbs.
Look for qualities rather than perfect checklists.
Stay open to meeting people in the actual world.
Show up for grieving friends without asking them to manage your support.
And when someone shows up for you?
Let them.
Because attracting more love into your life isn’t only about finding someone willing to give it.
Sometimes it’s about becoming clear enough to recognize the right love—and open enough to receive it when it arrives.
