How to Be Loving, Healing, Relationships, and the Power of Choice from Danielle LaPorte
In a world that often feels divided, author and spiritual thought leader Danielle LaPorte offers a powerful reminder: love is a choice, and it’s one we can make every day. In her book How to Be Loving, LaPorte explores how embracing love, even in difficult moments, can transform our lives and relationships. In a deeply emotional conversation on Heal Squad with Maria Menounos, she shares the profound lessons she has learned about healing, forgiveness, and embodying love—even when it’s hard.
The Power of Choice in Healing
LaPorte emphasizes that being loving is not about denying difficult emotions but about choosing how we respond to them. “How do I be loving when I don’t feel like being loving?” she recalls being asked. Her answer: “You do the spiritually grown-up thing and make the higher choice.” This doesn’t mean repressing emotions; rather, it means acknowledging them without letting them dictate our actions.
She draws on Buddhist teachings to explain this concept, suggesting that we see ourselves as “the vast sky” and our emotions as “passing clouds.” Instead of identifying with anger, fear, or sadness, we can observe them, creating space for a more thoughtful and loving response.
Love Is Not About Needs—It’s About Embodiment
Many of us are conditioned to believe that love is about having our needs met, but LaPorte challenges this idea. “The way relationships are taught in pop culture is all about filling a void,” she explains. But true love isn’t about completing each other—it’s about showing up fully, regardless of external circumstances. “I want to be loving in how I text, how I speak, how I care for myself and my child. No matter my mood, I want to embody love.”
This perspective shifts relationships from being transactional—where we expect something in return—to being about presence, connection, and self-awareness.
Overcoming Fear by Owning It
LaPorte offers a radical perspective on fear: instead of trying to “overcome” it, we must recognize that we created it. “Fear is something we manufacture in response to past experiences, societal conditioning, or personal insecurities,” she explains. Instead of resisting fear, we can acknowledge it, hold space for it, and ultimately choose not to be controlled by it.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness, according to LaPorte, is a release—a weight lifted. “The heart’s default is forgiveness,” she says. Holding onto resentment keeps us stuck, while letting go allows us to move forward. But forgiveness isn’t about excusing harm; it’s about freeing ourselves from the emotional burden. “What we run from will chase us,” she warns, reinforcing that healing requires us to face our wounds with compassion.
Creating a Healing Life
For women especially, creating a healing life is essential. “Our nervous systems are constantly under stress,” LaPorte explains. She encourages women to prioritize well-being by:
- Surrounding themselves with people who uplift them
- Consuming positive media and avoiding toxic content
- Practicing daily self-care rituals, from meditation to gratitude exercises
- Embracing silence and solitude as a way to reconnect with themselves
She also shares a powerful practice: placing one hand on the heart and the other on the stomach while asking, What do I need to support myself today? The answers, she says, are often simple—laughter, rest, connection. The key is listening.
Love Is Energy—Don’t Withhold It
One of the most transformative lessons LaPorte shares is that love is meant to be given freely. “Withholding love is toxic—to us and to others,” she says. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, she advocates for expressing love without manipulation or expectation. “If you feel love, say it. If you appreciate someone, tell them. Don’t hold back.”
Final Thoughts: Love as the Ultimate Healer
At the heart of LaPorte’s message is the idea that love is the ultimate healer. Whether through self-acceptance, forgiveness, or conscious choice, embodying love transforms our lives. “Love isn’t just about how we feel—it’s about how we show up,” she says. And when we choose love daily, we create the conditions for true healing and fulfillment.
For more healing and wellness tips, be sure to subscribe to the Heal Squad with Maria Menounos podcast via YouTube or Apple Podcasts.
