Achieving Agutu; The Secret to Achieving Confidence
Confidence—it’s the secret ingredient to success, self-love, and living your best life. But how do we truly cultivate it? On Heal Squad with Maria Menounos, social media powerhouse and self-love advocate Achieving Agutu, dubbed the “Confidence Queen” by Vogue, shared her transformative journey to self-assurance, empowerment, and finding joy in her own skin. Her wisdom, shaped by personal challenges and cultural expectations, offers a roadmap for anyone looking to build confidence from the inside out.
Breaking Free from Expectations
Achieving’s story begins with her move from Kenya to the United States at 16. Raised in a conservative environment, she was taught to fit a specific mold—focused on pleasing others, prioritizing societal approval, and, most importantly, keeping herself small. However, she quickly realized she was living for others and not for herself.
“I never felt comfortable. I never felt confident. I never felt like I could just be myself,” she shared. It wasn’t until she began asking herself simple yet profound questions—What do I love? What do I want? Who am I when no one else is watching?—that she started discovering her true self.
How Hardship Leads to Growth
Sometimes, confidence doesn’t come from an internal shift alone—it’s catalyzed by a life-altering event. For Achieving, that moment was a devastating breakup. She had centered her identity around her relationship, believing her worth was tied to her partner’s approval. When it ended, she hit rock bottom.
“I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t drinking water, I wasn’t taking care of myself,” she admitted. “My roommate found me on the floor shaking.”
This moment forced her to choose herself. Through therapy, self-exploration, and intentional healing, she reclaimed her power. “I had to be my own best friend,” she said. “I had to start cheering for myself before expecting others to do it for me.”
Building Confidence Brick by Brick
Achieving’s confidence journey wasn’t an overnight transformation—it was a series of intentional decisions that helped her step into her power. Here’s how she did it:
1. Rewriting the Narrative
Society often tells women to be small, to shrink themselves, and to avoid being “too much.” Achieving flipped that script.
“I used to believe that if I was loud, opinionated, or vibrant, I wouldn’t be loved. Now I know the world needs me at my fullest,” she said.
For anyone struggling with confidence, she recommends embracing your natural energy rather than muting it. Confidence is about authenticity—owning who you are unapologetically.
2. Taking Up Space—Physically & Emotionally
Part of Achieving’s journey was learning to embrace her physical presence. Like many women, she had internalized negative messaging about her body, particularly as a plus-sized Black woman. But she refused to let those limiting beliefs dictate her self-worth.
“I had to literally let my hair down,” she laughed. “I was always so afraid of being ‘too much.’ But when I finally saw myself fully, I realized how beautiful I was.”
3. Choosing the Right Circle
Confidence isn’t just about how you see yourself—it’s about who you surround yourself with. Achieving had to make difficult decisions about friendships that no longer served her.
“I had friends who put me down, who laughed at what I was building. I wanted so badly for them to root for me, but they didn’t,” she shared. “So I had to walk away.”
Now, she surrounds herself with people who uplift and support her. Her advice? If someone is draining your energy or making you doubt yourself, it’s time to reevaluate that relationship.
4. Healing Through Movement
Confidence isn’t just a mindset—it’s something we physically embody. Achieving found healing in dance, using movement as a way to release emotions stored in her body.
“Our bodies hold trauma,” she explained. “Dance helped me process my feelings and reclaim my space.”
If dance isn’t your thing, any form of movement—yoga, walking, or even stretching—can help create a deeper connection with yourself.
Practical Tips for Boosting Confidence
For those looking to build confidence but unsure where to start, Achieving offers these simple yet powerful tips:
- Talk to Yourself Like a Best Friend. Would you call your bestie ugly, unworthy, or not good enough? No. So why do it to yourself?
- Affirm Your Worth Daily. Stand in front of the mirror and say, “I am the prize.” The world sees you how you see yourself.
- Live Despite the Pain. Heartbreak? Job loss? Confidence dip? Keep going. “I’m sad, but I’m still showing up,” Achieving reminds us.
- Don’t Shrink Yourself. Whether in fashion, conversations, or opportunities, take up space. Be bold.
- Find Your People. If your current circle doesn’t support your growth, it’s time to find those who do.
The Journey to Unapologetic Living
Achieving Agutu’s message is clear: confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. It’s about showing up for yourself, embracing who you are, and realizing that the only validation you truly need is your own.
For those still searching for confidence, her parting wisdom is simple: “You have to choose yourself first, every single time. You have one life—live it fully.”
To hear more of Achieving’s inspiring journey, listen to the full episode of Heal Squad with Maria Menounos. And remember, confidence isn’t just a look—it’s a way of life. Be sure to subscribe to Heal Sqaud with Maria Menounos on Apple Podcasts and Youtube.
