Healing Shame and Trauma with Brian Mahan
Understanding Trauma: A Physiological Condition, Not a Psychological Disorder
Trauma and shame shape our lives in ways we may not fully recognize. On Heal Squad with Maria Menounos, trauma expert Brian Mahan, author of I Cried All the Way to Happy Hour, explores how trauma affects the nervous system and how we can heal by addressing our physiological responses.
“Shame is ubiquitous in the human experience,” Mahan shares. “If we didn’t have healthy shame, we’d all be sociopaths. It’s the toxic shame we can do without.”
Mahan emphasizes that trauma isn’t just a psychological issue; it’s deeply rooted in our physiology. Trauma occurs when our nervous system perceives a threat, mobilizes energy to respond, but doesn’t get the chance to discharge that energy fully. If left unresolved, this trauma embeds itself into our daily behaviors and beliefs, leading to chronic stress, anxiety, and self-sabotaging patterns.
Recognizing the Signs: Is It Stress or Trauma?
One of the most enlightening takeaways from Mahan’s approach is the distinction between stress and trauma. While stress is a temporary state where the nervous system mobilizes and then returns to balance, trauma occurs when that balance is disrupted and the nervous system remains in a state of heightened vigilance.
Some key signs that trauma may be running the show include:
- Disproportionate emotional reactions to minor events
- Recurring toxic relationship patterns
- Persistent feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt
- Anxiety or fear in seemingly safe environments
These patterns signal unresolved wounds that our nervous system is still trying to process. “If we don’t resolve trauma, we reenact it,” Mahan explains. “It shows up in our behaviors, thoughts, and relationships until we address it directly.”
The Power of Somatic Healing: Rewiring the Nervous System
Mahan’s work is rooted in somatic experiencing, a trauma-healing modality developed by Dr. Peter Levine. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which focuses on cognitive processing, somatic healing engages the body’s physiological responses.
Mahan guides clients through a process called titration and pendulation—small, controlled experiences of traumatic emotions followed by a shift into safety and relaxation. This method helps the nervous system reorganize, teaching the body that it is safe now, even if past experiences were not.
“Most people avoid their emotions because they feel intolerable,” he says. “The key is to develop the ability to feel those emotions safely, without getting overwhelmed.”
How Shame Shapes Our Identity and Behavior
Shame, particularly toxic shame, plays a significant role in shaping our self-perception. Unlike healthy shame, which helps us discern right from wrong, toxic shame manifests as deep-seated beliefs such as:
- I am unworthy.
- I am broken.
- I am not enough.
Mahan explains that shame often leads to people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-sabotage—all rooted in the fear of rejection. He describes shame as a loss of authenticity: “We receive messages throughout life that certain parts of us are unacceptable. Over time, we suppress those parts to fit in, losing our true selves in the process.”
One of the most powerful steps toward healing shame is expanding our self-concept to reintegrate those disowned parts. This requires recognizing where shame-based beliefs originated and actively rewriting them.
The Role of Boundaries in Healing
Without clear boundaries, unresolved trauma leads to chronic anger and resentment. Many people struggle with setting boundaries because they’ve been conditioned to prioritize others’ needs over their own.
“If you have inhibited anger, you won’t be able to set and protect boundaries,” Mahan states. “Boundaries are about knowing your ‘yeses’ and ‘nos’ and honoring them without guilt.”
Setting healthy boundaries allows us to build self-esteem and self-trust. When we enforce them consistently, we begin to rewire our nervous system, creating a sense of safety and agency.
Healing Starts with Awareness
If you find yourself stuck in patterns of self-sabotage, toxic relationships, or unrelenting anxiety, the first step is awareness. Mahan recommends starting with these questions:
- What recurring patterns show up in my relationships?
- What negative beliefs do I hold about myself?
- How does my body respond to stress and conflict?
By developing greater awareness of these patterns, we can begin the work of healing trauma at its root.
“For true healing, we must work at the physiological level,” Mahan reminds us. “Knowledge is not power—applied knowledge is power.”
For more on trauma healing, check out I Cried All the Way to Happy Hour and the resources Mahan provides online. And for more healing and wellness tips, be sure to subscribe to Heal Squad with Maria Menounos via YouTube or Apple Podcasts.
